You're sp [retty the way you are

Cranberries - Pretty


What are the chance of me working for one of the largest companies in north America, and not being taken care of as their employee. I should be making more, and more hours. if anyone can spare hours and money it's Kellogg's. #1 breakfast company in the world, #2 cookie/cracker company in the world... why can't they take better care of their employees?

Memorial weekend. I'm about to get dressed and go see Marty's grave. I think I will take a plant. I've stopped planting things this year, because I want his mom to have the option to put it where she wants. if she even wants it.

Last night was a rough night. I was alone. 100% alone. not a soul to talk to. and when that happens I go crazy. and cry all night.

It's my life. I work alone, I live alone, I'm alone all the time. This is the way I have chosen to live my life. So I can't complain too much about it. But it hurts every once and a while.

If I don't get out of this tiny apartment soon, I'm going to end up ripping my hair out. lol.

I need to shower, get ready for work, shop then take some flowers to my brother. and maybe.... my great grand parents... hmmmm. maybe I'll do a tour and go see my cousin too! sounds like a plan. -A-

I wanna take a ride on your disco stick.

Lady Gaga - Love Game.

Let me talk about Lady Gaga for a moment. I like to think of myself as open minded. Specially coming from the family that I do. I try my hardest not to judge people. Because no one, no matter who you are is better than anyone else. BUT, the other day I found myself judging Lady Gaga because, well She dresses like a skank. I got upset with myself because even though she famous, that doesn't give me the right to judge her. She has a unique fashion sense, and confidence. What is so wrong with that? So, I got some of her music, because I felt I needed to at least try and show some respect. and... I haven't been able to stop listening. Moral of this story is, I am human, I will make mistakes, and you might be surprised what you find when you take the time to form an opinion about someone instead of instant judgment.


raspberries, pink lemonade, and vodka... yuuummm....

Frank and I went to see the movie today, it was amazing. We were both a little freaked out, and holding hands through the whole thing. (so tight that i had Marks on my hands after wards) It's been a month since we started dating. which is something that hasn't happened to me since Sean, 4 years ago. I've dated a lot of guys, to many guys. Perhaps I am a poor judge of character. In any case... I'm starting to have those thoughts, the evil ones. Am I falling in love? is he falling in love? where's this going to end up? he wants to have a lot of kids, I don't want more than 2 or4. what if he goes back to Africa and never comes back? (lol common worry among new couples) I am known for over analyzing... I'll stop here and say my rosary tonight. God always leads the way.

mom I was sleeping!!!

(and snoring)

Mom and dad are out of town for the weekend. which is ok, I will be busy with work. 400+ cases at Okemos Meijer, and 300+ cases at Lake Lansing Meijer. big sales this weekend. I KNOW. I'll be working all day tomorrow. though... don't really want to. I thought about not calling my boss back, I need the money. oh well. some day I will be able to do what i love. Once I figure out what that is.

-A-

Keebler

How much is that kitty in the window??

I don't have much to say. I think today was supposed to be a bad day, but it wasn't. it's seems like I dropped everything at work 5 times. I'm surprised my gun still works. I need to get a new one. But I'm to afraid to ask my boss again. I asked a couple months ago, but I think he forgot. I also haven't had the guts to ask about a one year raise. I turned work down yesterday, and today. I've become bitter about work and my boss. He doesn't get me enough hours, and I think it's because he just doesn't feel like talking to his boss about getting me more hours. She had told me once that I just need to have an average of 28 hours and I can have up to 40 like a week out of a month, but my boss has to ask her. Well he keeps me way under 28 hours in case there is a hard change over on Sat night, and it takes me longer than usual. so last week... I got 17 hours. Now I feel like, why should I help you out? how can anyone expect someone to live off 17 hours? I'm not gonna help someone who doesn't help me.

my drive home from work (Lake Lansing Meijer), just before the annoying construction.

other than work annoyances, I picked mom up after work, and we had sooo much fun. I laughed, and laughed, and laughed! we even went to meijer to see Frank. Though he was in a pretty bad mood, because he got in trouble at work.

then we went home and painted our nails! Over all it was a great day. the sun was out, it was warm. I had fun

Tomorrow, Frank is taking me out. I'm really looking forward to that...

I like this picture.

It's a Japanese Maple in the BK parking lot on Cedar St.

-A-

For some reason I can't explain

viva la vida - coldplay

Frank and I got into a little fight yesterday. He was supposed to see a movie with me on Friday, and he never called me. This is not the first time this has happened. So when I saw him last night at work I didn't say anything to him. He walked past me and gave me a look like "I'm in trouble" about an hour later I took a break and he stood by the break room and staired at me for a long time. I don't think he knew saw him walk up.

He left early because he was upset. We talked a little bit on the phone once I got out of work. we didn't talk long because someone he knew died, and he had to do something because of it. I donno what. But we're going to tlk tonight or tomorrow... probably tomorrow.

He doesn't work today, which is probably good. I have to work, and I could use a day without thinking about it.

But I do have to work with James. : He's a whole nother problem. Now that I've been dating Frank he's been texting me a lot. I think he just likes the chase, and likes to have a girls attention even though he has no intention of having anything to do with her other than be her friend. I think that's why he's been texting, because I don't give him that satisfaction. I've moved on, and he doesn't like it. He also stairs at me... funny I stair at people... just watching, and observing them. I guess now I know how it feels. lol.

I'll keep waiting

John Mayer - waiting on the world to change

Today was pretty uneventful. I woke up at 12 talked to Lamel, he mad me feel bad. (what's new?) then I went shopping with mom, had dinner with them, came home and mapled. nothing much else.

Took a break from Frank today, I didn't think he would call, but he did. and I was happy. lol

Tomorrow we're (Mercury is going nuts) going to see Angels and Demons. which should be a good movie, and something we both interested in, both being catholic. and him being superstitious.

today there was a tanker accident. It flipped off the over pass and onto the grass next to W sag highway. the news said nothing about the driver. which I thought was weird.

my allergies have been insane the past couple days... ok not insane but annoying. (they have been worse before) But my right tonsil is swollen... I'm gonna keep praying that I don't get an absest like last July, because I can't afford to pay $800 for someone to say "can't help you, take this and see a specialist." then pay the specialist... omg. if it turns into that, I'll go to the er and tell them exactly what to give me. uuhh.. I need Health care!!!

-A-

kiss me and I'll kiss you back

Keri Hilson - return the favor


[picture - Obama is my co Pilate, lol]





I've spent the past 2 nights with Frank, and passably tonight and tomorrow also. I am starting to freak out like I usually do. But I'm fighting it! The past two nights have been something I have never experienced before. The past 3 weeks, I've not been able to stop thinking about him. What was he doing, was he really going to call me, does he like me? But now I know he does, and it's a feeling more of content with a little bit of giddy, instead of giddy, with a lot of uncertainty mixed and anxiety in with it. I don;t know if it's because Frank has shown me how he really feels now, or if it's because I've been praying about getting some sort of peace inside.








One bad thing about Frank, he hates cats. He is afraid of them. If one of the cats moves while he's on the computer, or eating, he will stop, and watch them. if they get to close he will jump sky high. So I give him a squirt bottle to pretend to use so they will leave him alone. I feel bad, but they also don;t need to be jumping all over him. They haven't gotten mad at me yet. eventually they will, or they will just learn to stay away from him. I hope.





I feel bad for Lamel, he is still fighting and trying to get here to be with me. but I've given up. I love him, I really do, but I have waited almost 3 years. if it's meant to be God will make it happen. But I can't give up a passable wonderful relationship for someone who may never be able to come to me. Franks knows nothing about him. And I will keep it that way. I like Frank too much to mess this up.








My cousin is in Ghana right now, What I wouldn't give to be in her place. I want to go to Africa so bad. Frank told me again last night that he wants to take me to France. :) maybe... some day.

I was alone, I took a ride...

I didn't know what I would find there.

Earth Wind and Fire - Got to Get You In To My Life.


Today I worked at 3 stores. picked mom up, went shopping and surprised Frank at Meijer, where we had lunch with him. went home made stakes, and then I went home. pretty uneventful.

I went to Franks at like 11 pm. we talked a lot. He's got so many things going on in his mind that I am trying to get him to open up about. I think if he talks about them it will help him sleep better. and maybe not drink so much. I would like to have a date with him, without beer. I know he's a guy, but it would just be nice.

Today I came out on facebook telling my family that I am dating a black guy. The family members who usually leave comments about my status, didn't have a word to say to me about it. which I figured because they are the ones I was worried about in the first place. All of my other family members I either don't care if they are in my life or not, or they already know and don't care. so... we will see if they continue to not talk to me.

I also told Frank I was on medication, he asked me what for and then he said "crazy" and I said "yeah, crazy" he then asked me to bring him some, so... that turned out better than I expected, I thought he would be freaked out about it!

I also got to play Maple with Lamel! which was fantastic as usual, and I can't wait to wake up tomorrow and play again. I miss that stress free game! I can just feel all the bull shit melt away while I play it. I really don't care if it is a kids game! I could kill happy little mushrooms all day long!!


Over all today was another growth day, and I'm happy with the way it turned out.


Here's Frank >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
While we were taking a break together Saturday night at work. not the best picture but. I like it.